


touching me, touching you

by joshllyman



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bokuto Koutarou Has ADHD, Exhibitionism, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Praise Kink, Trans Bokuto Koutarou, Trans Male Character, and he takes meds for it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:47:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23457280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joshllyman/pseuds/joshllyman
Summary: “Actually.” Bokuto takes a deep breath. “I had an idea. For how you might be able to help.”Kuroo’s brows knit together. “Go on.”Bokuto bites his lip. “What if we masturbated together?”
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 18
Kudos: 292





	touching me, touching you

**Author's Note:**

> written for bokuroo week day 3: late nights

It’s just past one in the morning when Bokuto enters Kuroo’s room with a groan and flops down on his bed.

Kuroo looks up from his laptop, mildly startled by the intrusion. “Bro, what the hell.”

“I can’t,” he mumbles into the bedspread.

“How did you know I wasn’t in that bed before you threw yourself into it?”

Bokuto looks up. “I could hear your tv still on and that usually means you’re studying. You listen to music when you’re trying to sleep.”

He’s not wrong, but Kuroo is surprised that he has the information. It’s not something they’ve ever talked about. “What can’t you do?”

“Get off,” Bokuto cries, and he buries his head in the bed again. “I’ve tried everything and I can’t come.”

Okay, so this is a conversation they’re having, apparently. Kuroo shuts his laptop and spins his chair to look at Bokuto. “Are you sure we’re talking about this?”

“Who else am I gonna talk to?” Bokuto asks. “You’re my best friend. If I can’t talk to you about it, who can I talk to?”

“You’ve got a point.” Kuroo leans back and folds his arms across his chest. “You tried porn?”

“Obviously.”

“Visual and written?”

“Yeah.”

“Hands, vibrator, dildo?”

“Yes, yes, yes.”

“Uh, you try in a different place than usual?”

“The shower.”

“Not sure I wanted to know that. How long has it been?”

“Three weeks, bro.” Bokuto rolls over on his back. “I started those new meds and they’ve got me all fucked up.”

Kuroo frowns. Bokuto’s been complaining less about the symptoms of his ADHD since he started the medication, but if it’s at the cost of coming...that’s a hell of a trade off.

“Help,” he pleads, turning his head to Kuroo.

“Bo, I’m not sure this is something I can help you with.” 

“Actually.” Bokuto takes a deep breath. “I had an idea. For how you might be able to help.”

Kuroo’s brows knit together. “Go on.”

Bokuto bites his lip. “What if we masturbated together?”

Kuroo does a double take. He reaches down and pinches his wrist on the off chance he fell asleep while he was studying and is, in fact, dreaming all of this, but it seems he’s not.

“Masturbate together?” Kuroo repeats.

“It’d be like real life porn,” Bokuto says quickly. “You don’t have to touch me or say anything or even look at me if you don’t want. Or you can say no to all of this. Maybe it’s an awful idea.”

“Bokuto…”

“Sorry, I’m gonna go, this was stupid—”

“Wait.” Kuroo stands before Bokuto can go anywhere. “Are you...are you sure about this? You really wanna watch me...do that?”

“I won’t think about you,” Bokuto says. “I’ll think of someone else, I swear. I just...fuck, I need to get off so bad, Kuroo. I keep getting so close and not being able to finish.”

Kuroo can’t imagine being in Bokuto’s situation. It’s not something he’s ever had to deal with before; he’s always been able to finish no problem. He frowns.

“I don’t know, Bo,” Kuroo says.

Bokuto looks at him with desperation in his eyes. “Please.”

Kuroo tips his head back and looks up at the ceiling. This is the part of the story where he reveals the feelings he’s had all along and says he can’t do this unless they’re something more than what they are. This is the part of the story where he walks away. This is not the part of the story where he tells Bokuto to scoot over and make room.

Except that’s exactly what he does.

“Budge up,” he says, and Bokuto scoots over to one side of the bed as quickly as he can.

“Thank you,” he says.

Kuroo nods and unbuttons his jeans. “What are bros for, right?”

“Right.”

Bokuto shimmies out of his sweats and Kuroo is unsurprised to find he wasn’t wearing underwear underneath. Kuroo shoves down his boxers and lays down beside Bokuto.

“It’s gonna take me a little time to get used to...everything,” Kuroo says.

“Used to me?” Bokuto clarifies.

“I don’t usually have an audience.” Kuroo takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, trying to forget who’s watching him. He reaches down and wraps a hand around himself slowly. Masturbation is masturbation; it’s supposed to be simple, especially for people with dicks. But he’s hyper aware of Bokuto’s presence next to him as he begins to get into it. He lets go of his shaft and squeezes his balls, and Bokuto lets out a little gasp beside him.

When he looks back on it, the moment he crossed the line from “just a little fucked” to “absolutely, entirely fucked” is the moment he opened his eyes again. Because when he does, he sees Bokuto watching him with wide eyes and an open mouth, the fingers rubbing circles around his dick seemingly almost a second thought. He’s using his left hand and his right hand is clenched in the sheets between them. Kuroo freezes in the action of beginning to jerk himself again, and Bokuto meets his eyes.

“Please don’t stop,” he murmurs.

And if this is gonna be a thing, Kuroo decides he’s gonna make it a really, really good thing.

“Bo,” Kuroo gasps. He doesn’t take his eyes off the way Bokuto’s hand begins to move more rapidly, the way he sometimes dips down into his cunt to get more slick to work with. Kuroo’s hand is shaking as he starts getting really into it, and even though he can see Bokuto touching himself, he can also imagine Bokuto touching him, using those big hands to stroke him hard and quick. Kuroo rolls his hips almost without thought, and Bokuto moans quietly.

“Let me hear you,” Kuroo says, and when Bokuto meets his eyes again there’s hesitation in them.

“Kuroo?” he questions, sounding slightly breathless.

“That’s it, baby,” Kuroo praises. He wonders if Bokuto can hear the way his heart is pounding in his chest. “Say my name while you touch yourself, sweetheart, make yourself feel good.”

“Kuroo,” Bokuto breathes. He unclenches his hand and sits up so he can fuck himself with two fingers. “Kuroo, fuck, I’m getting there.”

“Good, good job, Bo,” Kuroo answers. He’s already close himself even though they’ve barely been at it more than a few minutes. “Will you come for me, baby?”

Bokuto bites his lip. “Kuroo…”

“You can do it,” Kuroo murmurs. Bokuto’s fingers work in and out of himself more quickly. “Just relax and let go, honey.”

“Kuroo…”

“You like being watched, don’t you?” A look of fear flashes through Bokuto’s eyes as his head snaps toward Kuroo, but Kuroo nods encouragingly. “You wanted me to see you all splayed out like this, didn’t you? You wanted me to watch you come?”

“Ah, Kuroo, please—”

“If you finish, I will too,” Kuroo says. He’s so close, so close, but he can hold out for Bokuto. “You wanna see me come too, huh? Wanna watch me fuck my hand until I come?”

Bokuto’s thighs begin to shake. “Kuroo, Kuroo, I’m coming!”

“That’s it, baby, just like that,” Kuroo praises, and Bokuto cries out as his whole body convulses in orgasm. It’s a hell of a sight: his fingers are buried deep in himself and he’s still going hard at his dick.

“Kuroo,” he says, so quietly Kuroo can barely hear him. 

The way that Bokuto looks at him, eyes wide with something akin to adoration, that pushes Kuroo into finishing. Come spurts out over his hand, and he locks eyes with Bokuto as he milks himself through it.

“Kuroo,” Bokuto says again. His hands fall away from himself.

“Bo,” Kuroo whispers. He lets go of his cock and lets his head flop back against the pillow as he tries to breathe normally again. It’s a long time before he has the energy to reach over and grab a tissue to wipe off his hand, and he offers one to Bokuto as well. Bokuto takes it without looking at him. 

Their shoulders are still touching.

“So that happened,” Kuroo says, trying to break the silence.

Bokuto doesn’t answer right away, but when he does, there’s a horrible note in his voice that sounds like shame. “Thanks for the help,” he murmurs. “I’m gonna go.”

He rolls over and stands, bending down to grab his sweats, and Kuroo reaches out to grab his forearm.

“Bokuto, wait,” he says.

Bokuto looks up at him. “What is it?”

The problem is that Kuroo has no idea what to say next. That was fun, let’s do it again sometime. That was amazing, we should always masturbate together. Bokuto I’m in love with you, please let me hold you.

“Happy to help,” he says, and Bokuto looks down and away again.

“Goodnight, Kuroo,” he mutters. “Sorry I interrupted your studying.”

He’s shutting the door behind himself before Kuroo can articulate a response.

“Fuck,” Kuroo groans, rolling back and letting his head hit the mattress with a thud. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

There’s a very real possibility Bokuto’s never going to talk to him again, and it’s absolutely and entirely his fault. He shouldn’t have started with the dirty talk. He shouldn’t have watched Bokuto at all. He shouldn’t have agreed in the first place.

“Fuck,” he says again, pounding his fist against his forehead.

The sun is peeking in through his blinds before he can get to sleep.

\---

Kuroo knocks on Bokuto’s still-closed door at just past one that afternoon. 

Kuroo’s got breakfast on a tray in his hands, rice and eggs and a couple fried slices of ham, a cup of coffee that’s only about five percent actual coffee and makes up for the rest in creamer. Bokuto doesn’t answer, so Kuroo lets himself in.

Bokuto is still in bed, face down in his pillows. He doesn’t make any indication that he’s aware Kuroo is in the room. Kuroo frowns and sets the breakfast down on his desk.

“Bokuto,” Kuroo says. “Wake up, you gotta take your meds.”

He reaches out and touches Bokuto’s shoulder, and Bokuto flinches like he’s been slapped. Kuroo takes his hand away, and Bokuto lifts his head to look at Kuroo.

“Kuroo?”

Kuroo tries to smile at him, but he wonders at how successful it is, because Bokuto goes back to shoving his face into the bed. Kuroo sighs and locates Bokuto’s pill bottles. He shakes out the correct dosage of each and adds them to the tray he’d brought in.

“Roll over and sit up,” Kuroo says. He doesn’t try to touch Bokuto again.

“Just give me the pills and I can go back to sleep,” Bokuto mumbles.

“You have to eat with them,” Kuroo says. “That’s why I brought food.”

Bokuto looks up at him, his brows furrowed. “How do you know that?”

Kuroo does not admit that he’d looked up the medication when Bokuto had mentioned he was starting it. He doesn’t admit that he’d read about every side effect and every warning. “Chem major,” he says simply. 

Bokuto stares at him for another moment before rubbing at his eyes and sitting up. Kuroo places the tray in his lap and watches as Bokuto dry swallows the pills.

“That’s bad for you, you know,” Kuroo says.

Bokuto’s face is blank as he takes a long sip of coffee.

“It’s fine, though,” Kuroo says. Bokuto picks up a slice of ham and shoves the entire thing into his mouth. Kuroo waits for him to swallow before he speaks again. “So...about last night.”

Bokuto freezes with a bite of rice halfway between the bowl and his mouth. It falls from his chopsticks into his lap.

“It was a mistake,” Bokuto says, recovering enough to pick up the rice and toss it back in the bowl. He sets the chopsticks down. “Let’s just forget it ever happened.”

Kuroo tries not to show on his face how badly that hurts. He gives Bokuto what he hopes is a convincing smile. “Right,” he says. Bokuto stares at him for another moment before going back to his breakfast.

“Thanks for this, by the way,” Bokuto murmurs. “S’good.”

“No problem,” Kuroo says.

An awkward moment passes between them before Kuroo finally gets up and leaves Bokuto to his tray, and he wonders if it’ll ever feel like it did before. 

\---

Kuroo can’t tell if Bokuto’s avoiding him or if he’s avoiding Bokuto. 

They play a game for most of the next week where they avert their eyes when they see each other. They barely spend time in the same room if they can help it, which means Kuroo’s confined to only his bedroom when he’s in the apartment. Kuroo hates it, hates that he’s caused it, and hates that he doesn’t know how to fix it.

On Thursday, almost a week after the incident, Akaashi slams Kuroo’s bedroom door at three in the afternoon when Kuroo was in the middle of a nap.

“The fuck?” he shouts, and there’s Akaashi standing above him, arms crossed and eyes dark and looking like an angel of justice. Kuroo groans. “Akaashi? What are you doing here?”

“What the hell did you do to Bokuto?” Akaashi asks.

Kuroo blinks and tries to absorb the fact that Akaashi’s standing in his bedroom and isn’t, for some reason, in his own dorm room at a different university across town. “I didn’t do anything.”

Akaashi’s lips tighten into a deep frown. “Then why have I received exactly sixty-seven texts from him in the last three hours crying about you?”

Kuroo stares up at the ceiling with a sigh. He sits up and indicates the desk chair for Akaashi, who takes it without taking his eyes off Kuroo. 

“So the thing is I’m in love with him,” Kuroo begins, and Akaashi glares at him.

“Why haven’t you told him?” 

Kuroo recoils. “He doesn’t want anything to do with me right now.”

“He wants everything to do with you right now. Hence the sixty-seven texts, one of which reads ‘I don’t know what to do, Akaashi, I think I’m in love with him and he won’t ever speak to me again.’”

Kuroo rubs at his eyes. “He said that?”

“You think I’m lying?” Akaashi asks.

“No, no, I just. Saturday he told me it was a mistake and to forget it ever happened.”

Akaashi rolls his eyes. “Maybe because you didn’t say anything to contradict that line of thought. And when he suggested you forget about it you went along with it.”

“I didn’t want to upset him any further!” Kuroo drops his head into his hands. “This whole thing is fucked up.”

“Then go fix it, Kuroo-san.” Akaashi stands up and crosses over to the door. “Don’t make this worse.”

Akaashi glares at him for another moment before leaving, and Kuroo groans and falls back against his pillows.

Akaashi’s right. He has to fix this before it’s unfixable.

\---

Kuroo waits until he can hear Bokuto moving around in the kitchen before he makes his move.

“Oh, hello!” Kuroo says brightly, positioning himself between the fridge and the counter so Bokuto can’t run past him. 

Bokuto looks up at him. There are bags under his eyes that Kuroo hasn’t noticed all week, and his stomach twists with guilt. 

“I’m sorry, I’ll be out of your way in just a minute,” Bokuto murmurs, and he begins putting away the pot he’d just pulled out of the cabinet.

“Actually I came out here because I wanted to talk to you,” Kuroo says.

Bokuto freezes in the action of putting the ramen back into the pantry. He turns slowly to Kuroo. “What about?”

“About...about last week,” Kuroo says, and Bokuto visibly flinches.

“I said to forget it,” Bokuto says, his voice harsh.

Kuroo bites his lip. Making Bokuto angry isn’t the point here. “I just...what if I don’t want to?”

“Then get over that and do it,” Bokuto says. He finishes cleaning up and goes to push past Kuroo, but Kuroo traps him against the counter with his arms on either side of him. Bokuto looks up at him.

“Let me go, Kuroo.”

“Not before I say this, please,” Kuroo begs, and Bokuto tries again to push past him.

“I said forget it, I don’t want to talk about it, Kuroo—”

Kuroo plants his hands on either side of Bokuto’s face and kisses him. Bokuto melts into him, his body molding to fit against Kuroo’s. His hands find Kuroo’s waist and rest there lightly, hesitantly, and Kuroo sighs against Bokuto’s mouth before pulling away.

“Now can we talk about it?” Kuroo requests, moving to let Bokuto get away if he still wants to.

“I don’t understand,” Bokuto says, his hands falling away from Kuroo. “You seemed so distant afterward.”

“I was terrified,” Kuroo answers earnestly. “I wanted to make you stay but I didn’t know what you wanted.”

“I didn’t know what you wanted.” Bokuto says. “It was—”

“Incredible?” Kuroo suggests. “Amazing? Like nothing you’ve ever felt before?”

“Yeah,” Bokuto agrees.

Kuroo nods. “Yeah.”

Kuroo reaches up and runs his fingers through Bokuto’s hair, and Bokuto’s eyes shut.

“I’ve been into you for such a long time, Bo,” Kuroo whispers. “But you’re my best friend.”

“I didn’t want to fuck up our friendship,” Bokuto finishes for him. “Yeah, me too.”

Kuroo leans in and presses his lips against Bokuto’s again, and Bokuto wraps his arms around Kuroo’s waist.

“Sorry it took me so long,” Kuroo says, and Bokuto laughs. A genuine smile lights up his face, and it makes Kuroo’s insides warm.

“So...we should try that again, right?” Bokuto says, running a hand down Kuroo’s chest.

Kuroo grins. “Actually, I have a better idea.”

\---

Their clothes land in a heap on the floor. Kuroo can’t stop touching, now that he’s allowed, now that he’s getting what he wanted last week, what he’s wanted all along. He runs his hands over the curve of Bokuto’s ass and along the scars on his chest, all over his powerful thighs and up the inside of his legs, making Bokuto gasp.

“You like that,” Kuroo says, and Bokuto nods.

“Sensitive,” he says, and Kuroo hums as he seeks that reaction out again. 

“You’re so gorgeous, Bo,” Kuroo mutters. His hand creeps upward, closer to Bokuto’s dick, and Bokuto whines and rolls his hips into Kuroo’s touch. “I love watching you like this.”

“Please, touch me,” Bokuto begs, and maybe another time Kuroo will drag it out, make Bokuto really plead with him. Tonight, though, he’s giving in to everything he wants, everything Bokuto wants. His hand finds Bokuto’s cock and rubs it gently, imitating the motion he’d seen Bokuto use before.

“Like this?” Kuroo asks.

Bokuto shudders and presses closer to him. “Yes, Kuroo, just like that,  _ fuck. _ ”

Kuroo presses his mouth to Bokuto’s neck, just below his ear. “That’s right, baby, say my name.”

“Kuroo,” Bokuto breathes, and it comes across his lips like a prayer. 

Kuroo dips down and fucks two fingers into Bokuto’s cunt, his slick soaking Kuroo’s fingers, and Bokuto moans and shuts his eyes.

“If you close your eyes you’ll miss it,” Kuroo says. “Look, Bo. You see how hard you’ve got me?”

Bokuto wrenches his eyes open and looks at Kuroo’s erection. His cock is aching, leaking pre-come against his stomach. 

“Fuck,” Bokuto says again. He bites his lip. “Kuroo, fuck, I want you inside me.”

Kuroo feels like he might explode. “How do you want me?”

“Gonna ride you,” Bokuto says. 

“Fuck, yeah, alright.”

Kuroo pulls his hand out from Bokuto’s cunt and licks it clean, and Bokuto groans while they reposition. Kuroo sits up more and accepts Bokuto into his lap. Bokuto kisses him, one hand tangling in his hair, as he lines himself up.

“Ready?” Bokuto asks, and Kuroo nods eagerly just before Bokuto sinks down onto his cock.

They moan in near-unison as Bokuto seats himself. He reaches down to rub at his dick before Kuroo’s hand replaces his.

“Let me,” Kuroo asks, and Bokuto nods and throws his head back.

Bokuto lifts his hips and moves himself up and down on Kuroo’s cock as Kuroo touches him. Kuroo has to focus on the movement of his fingers, on making Bokuto feel good, or he’d lose himself entirely in Bokuto’s tight warmth. 

“Look at you riding me so good,” Kuroo murmurs, remembering how Bokuto had responded to praise before, and Bokuto moans and locks eyes with Kuroo. “That’s right, baby, look at me. Whose cock is making you feel so full right now?”

“Yours, Kuroo,” Bokuto gasps. He leans forward to steal a kiss before he goes back to fucking himself on Kuroo’s dick. “Feels so good, having you inside me.”

“Feels so good being inside you,” Kuroo answers earnestly. “You feel amazing, sweetheart, so tight for me.”

“Kuroo…” Bokuto sighs. He touches Kuroo’s face and bites his lip. “Ah...Tetsurou…”

If Kuroo weren’t already on fire, he would be now. “Koutarou,” he cries, his hips rolling upward into Bokuto of their own accord, and Bokuto’s jaw drops.

“Fuck, fuck,  _ yes _ , Tetsurou—”

“Koutarou—so gorgeous, fuck, look at you riding my cock like a champ—”

Kuroo’s movements start to get sloppy as his orgasm gets closer, and Bokuto reaches down and puts his hand over Kuroo’s.

“That’s it, that’s it, Koutarou,” Kuroo moans. “Fuck, you’ve got me so close, baby, gonna fill you up.”

“Tetsurou,  _ please, _ ” Bokuto begs.

Kuroo finishes, his hips stuttering up into Bokuto, and it takes only a few more moments for Bokuto to find his own release. He tightens around Kuroo and falls forward, and Kuroo catches him and wraps his free hand around his waist. Bokuto’s aftershocks seem to last forever, and each new clench of his cunt around Kuroo has Kuroo swearing in pleasure. Finally Bokuto finishes. His chest heaves with effort, and he lets go of the hand Kuroo still has against his cock.

“Come here,” Kuroo murmurs. “Let me hold you.”

Bokuto gets off Kuroo’s cock and collapses into his arms. Kuroo holds him tight and murmurs praise into his ear, and Bokuto snuggles against him. Kuroo is close to dozing off, lulled by Bokuto’s deep, content sighs and his warmth where he’s pressed against Kuroo, when Bokuto chuckles quietly to himself.

“What’s funny?” Kuroo mumbles.

Bokuto presses a kiss to his cheek. “I think that might have been even better than masturbating together.”

Kuroo grins. “We’ll have to test it again. For science.”

“Science,” Bokuto agrees, and Kuroo thinks he’d be happy to test anything if it meant he got to do it with Bokuto.

**Author's Note:**

> title from sweet caroline by neil diamond or somebody  
> thanks forever to my team  
> links to socials in profile


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